How Do I Feel About Having Schizophrenia?

A question I often ask myself, especially now that I have a blog, is “How do I feel about having schizophrenia?” I have many, oftentimes conflicting thoughts on the subject. So, yes, it fucking sucks sometimes! I will be on medication for this condition for the rest of my life. Sometimes I have to take time off of work because of it. I have hurt myself because of the command hallucinations. I have thought of ending my life before. Sometimes I can’t drive because I can’t tell if I’m in the correct lane. Sometimes I cannot find the right words to use, or speak in word salad. 

However, this doesn’t mean it is all bad. Sometimes the voices are funny! Sometimes I hallucinate beautiful things. The idea for this blog came from the voices. I literally hallucinated a career for myself! How many people can say they’ve done that? My day job as a college instructor has benefited from my condition, as the voices have given me ideas for lesson plans that keep my students interested in the subjects I teach. I feel that my condition provides a richness and color to my life that others simply will never experience. The spectrum of this disorder means that no two schizophrenics have the same experience. That means that even other schizophrenics, while having perhaps much more of an idea of my experience than non-schizophrenics, cannot exactly envision my experience, despite having the same disorder. I like to joke that I don’t need to take LSD or magic mushrooms because my life is one giant acid trip. 

Like I said earlier, schizophrenia fucking sucks sometimes. But, like many things in life, we can’t view it in black and white. Much of my success in dealing with this condition is due to the unwavering support from friends, family, and mental health professionals. I will always be grateful for these amazing people. If you have schizophrenia and are struggling right now, just know that although this condition can cause very ugly outcomes, it can be a beautiful thing at the same time. It just takes time and support. For those of you who have schizophrenia, how do you feel about it?

I am trying to monetize this website, but I don’t really know how to, being famously bad with computers. So I’m going to plug my venmo and paypal. Any gifts I get from you all will be met with the utmost gratitude. I’ve got bills to pay, and pets to feed!

Paypal: @RyanYounker

Venmo: @Ryan-Younker-26