Dress Codes and Gender Expression

I want to take some time to address gender expression and the prevalence of dress codes in many American public schools. These dress codes perpetuate antiquated, sexist, racist views of how men and women “should” be dressing- particularly catering to the comfort and needs of white, cisgender, straight men and boys.

Gender expression is a fascinating field of study. People who identify as one gender may express themselves in the way that is more commonly associated with the opposite gender. I, for example, identify as a man, but sometimes I paint my fingernails- a form of expression that is more commonly associated with women. That doesn’t make me more or less of a man by having painted fingernails. One of my cousins, who is five years old, is a little boy who occasionally likes to wear sparkly skirts (and he looks fabulous!). In another situation in my own family, I remember being out with my aunt, uncle, and cousins, shopping at Ross Dress for Less. My cousin, who is female, found some really cool superhero socks and asked my uncle if she could buy them. My uncle told her no, because, “those are boy’s socks. I don’t want you wearing them.” They’re literally socks. You won’t even be able to see them when she has shoes on. But that’s not the point. The point is that my uncle was so insecure about the perceived gender of his daughter, that he wouldn’t even allow her (she was about 12 at the time) to wear superhero socks. This was one of many red flags I got from my uncle, who also interestingly is a Lutheran pastor, preaching that “God/Jesus loves everyone.” Apparently God only loves people who conform to gendered styles of dress. And as an aside, this is the same man who told me that “gay people deserve love, but bisexuals are immoral and will burn in Hell.” I’m sure I will write more about my issues with organized religion, in particular, Christianity, in upcoming posts.

Gender expression also varies from culture to culture. For example, in Native American culture, having long hair as a man is considered to be a show of beauty and strength. Whereas in European culture, having long hair as a man is considered to be effeminate. So much so, that during the Boarding School Era in the United States, when little Native American boys and girls would be kidnapped from their families to be sent to boarding schools, the boys’ long hair would be cut. Many Native American people today (including myself) consider haircuts without consent to be a form of assault. 

Many American public schools today have dress codes that many consider to be sexist and racist. These dress codes often target women, gender-diverse people, and people of color. I remember in middle school during an assembly about the dress code, that the white male principal explicitly said that short shorts and exposed bra straps were “distracting” to the male students and teachers. How about this, Mr. Dale? You could address predatory and inappropriate behavior that the male students were displaying, and you could hire male teachers that don’t get “distracted” when they catch a glance of a 12 year old girl’s bra strap. Or, does that make you uncomfortable?

I specifically remember comforting a friend of mine who was publicly called out by a female teacher because her bra strap slipped off of her shoulder and was visible. This teacher called her out in front of the entire class, and called her outfit “inappropriate” despite the fact that she was wearing long pants and a t-shirt. This teacher said that my friend was “inviting unwanted attention from the boys” (in front of a class of 30 students) and made her go to her locker to get a sweatshirt. My friend, understandably, was horrified, ashamed, and embarrassed, and spent the rest of the class period crying in the bathroom. 

A lot of the time, these dress codes apply to hairstyles as well. Even today, some of these dress codes require that male students’ hair is cut above the shoulders. In some cases, Black students are targeted for having certain hairstyles as well. There are even some reports of schools cutting students’ hair without the consent of the student or the parents- all in the effort to make them look “appropriate” for school. To me, this is racist, sexist, and predatory behavior on the part of the school. 

The concept that boys and men get “distracted” by “provocative” dress on the part of women and girls is simply a patriarchal, misogynist view that is rooted in rape culture. What is rape culture? According to Southern Connecticut State University, “rape culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.” I think the concept of rape culture goes beyond this. How many of us have heard “boys will be boys?” Or “locker room talk?” From whom do you hear these phrases? In my experience, it is white men in positions of power, defending other men or boys who have been accused of predatory behavior. Even our sad excuse of a president has been quoted in saying “grab ‘em by the pussy.” 

By normalizing concepts and phrases like this, we are teaching boys that they are entitled to sex, and that their needs are prioritized over the comfort and safety of women and other sexual minorities. We are normalizing a lack of consent, respect, and equal partnership in relationships, and that boys and men are unable to control themselves. Everyone, including men, are capable of self-control in sexual and non-sexual situations. Why are we making girls and minorities “cover up” instead of teaching boys and men consent, and frankly, to not be sexist, predatory creeps? 

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