How Atheism Helped My Mental Health

I am a proud atheist. I’ve been an atheist since I was about 11 years old after I read (most of) the Bible. Clearly, I did not like what I read. Prior to my atheism, I always felt suffocated by the idea of being constantly monitored by an omnipotent being. I always found it fascinating how people feel safe believing in and promoting such a vengeful being. 

Why do I think God is vengeful? 1. He wanted Abraham to kill his own son to prove his allegiance. 2. He kicked Adam and Eve out of Eden for eating a piece of fruit. 3. He wanted to destroy humanity and innocent animals via 40 days and 40 nights of rain in order to drown everyone. 4. He allowed his own son to be nailed to a cross and slowly killed. 5. God has allowed people to commit genocide in His name. (the genocide of Native Americans, to name one) 6. God demands that you love Him over your friends, family, and partners. 7. God demands that you live your lives in fear of Him. (i.e. being “God fearing”)

I could go on. It may sound like I hate God. I don’t. I can’t hate someone who doesn’t exist. Same with fearing God. I find it difficult to fear someone who doesn’t exist, as well. What does this have to do with my mental health? Well, actually it has a lot to do with my mental health! I grew up in a conservative, Christian town. My family was one of a handful that didn’t go to church every Sunday, and to forgo Vacation Bible School in the summer. 

When I was questioning my gender and sexuality growing up I was terrified that I was going to Hell for being queer. Granted, I didn’t know I was questioning these things as a child, as I didn’t have the conceptual framework necessary to be aware of that. But, I knew I was different. In a bad way. When I started struggling with my mental health in middle school, despite already considering myself an atheist at this time, I remember thinking, ”Maybe God is real… Why else would I be feeling this terrible all the time? Is God making everyone hate me?” It was a very confusing and scary time for me, as I was being relentlessly bullied at the time, too. I was confused about my religious beliefs. The final blow to my religiosity came in the summer after the eighth grade while my grandparents were visiting. 

My dad’s parents are Baptists, I believe. I was talking with my grandma before bed about a family member who has severe mental health issues. I asked her why this person was sick, and she told me that God was punishing him for sinning. The “sins” in question? Dating, premarital sex, drinking alcohol, drinking coffee, reading “blasphemous” material such as evolution, and being “outspoken.” She then told me that God would love and reward me if I avoided these “sins” and “obeyed.” This was the final straw. Even in the eighth grade, I knew that every word that came out of her mouth was complete bullshit. It was at this moment that I knew I didn’t buy this God bullshit. 

From then on, after I let go of religion, I felt a new sense of freedom. While my mental health still wasn’t amazing, I did feel much better. I let go of my fear of something that I believe does not exist. I started living my life with more (not a lot, but significantly more) confidence. And my self-esteem and confidence continued to grow since then. As an adult, I’ve never looked back. I’m happy to say that the last time I was in a church was about ten years ago when I took the AP European History test. AndI have no plans on ever going again. 

I now know that the family member and I are not sick because of God. We are sick because of chemical imbalances in our brains. Despite my Lutheran Pastor uncle telling me that “Gay people deserve love, but bisexuals are disgusting and are going to Hell,” I now know that my identities as a bisexual trans man will not earn me a one-way ticket to Hell. I have so much love for myself, my pets, and others, and none of that can be attributed to God. Since diving headfirst into my beliefs as an atheist, I am happier and healthier, and now only fear spiders, horses, and clowns- real, tangible things. 

I have no hate for religious people. However, I do have hate for people who discriminate against people that are different from them because of their religion. Some of my closest friends are religious, and I have no hate for them or their beliefs. As long as you allow me to believe what I want to believe, I will allow you to believe what you want to believe. Atheism is what works for me. And I am much happier because of it.

I am trying to monetize this website, but I don’t really know how to, being famously bad with computers. So I’m going to plug my venmo and paypal. Any gifts I get from you all will be met with the utmost gratitude. I’ve got bills to pay, and pets to feed!

Paypal: @RyanYounker

Venmo: @Ryan-Younker-26