My Journey With Self-Care

As I’ve mentioned many times before, I am a college instructor at Oregon State University, teaching Indigenous Studies. Part of my curriculum, and in my opinion, one of the most important parts of my curriculum has to do with self-care. Indigenous Studies, while being incredibly fascinating and enlightening, is no walk in the park, emotionally. We explore topics such as genocide, sexual assault, enslavement, and environmental disrespect and degradation, to name a few. These topics are incredibly upsetting, and in my opinion, require that people who are teaching and learning about these topics to really amp up their self-care routine. I explain to my students that in order to be able to learn fully about these aspects of Indigenous Studies, that they must have a plan in place to care for themselves when things get tough. For a while, I had an actual assignment where they created a tangible plan, involving three strategies that they can fall back on. This self-care plan goes beyond my class. This is a plan to follow for life. Self-care is a lifelong journey, and in this post, I will be telling my self-care story. 

I began my obsession with self-care in middle school. My all-time favorite store to go to on the rare occasion that we went to the mall was Bath and Body Works. I loved to experiment with different scents (going for the more “masculine” scents, of course). After a while, I had quite the selection of various lotions, perfumes, and body washes. As an aside, these products very likely contributed to my teenage acne, but damn it, I smelled good! I was one of the rare teenagers that actually made sure to shower every single night, washing my face and body, shampooing and conditioning. After my nightly shower, I would buff, trim, and file my nails, slather my entire body in my favorite lotion, and finish with far too many squirts of perfume. That was my nightly routine, and to this day, I absolutely, physically cannot go to bed before taking a shower. When I was taking care of my body, it boosted my self confidence in the midst of ruthless bullying, school stress, and teenage angst. My self-care ritual and my room became my safe space.

This routine continued through the end of high school and my first year of college. Then, in my sophomore year, I got my own dorm room and private bathroom via my position as an RA. When I moved into my new dorm in September of 2017, I vowed that this space (which actually was quite a large room) would be my safe space and sanctuary. I lived in Barnhart Hall at the University of Oregon on the seventh floor facing west. I had very few personal possessions at the time, and all of my friends called my room “the monastery.” I deep cleaned my entire dorm once per week, and did regular “things purges” in order to minimize clutter. I truly felt safe in this dorm, and part of my self-care at this time was drinking a glass of wine or whiskey in the evenings while watching the sunset over the Eugene skyline. 

About a year later, I got my first apartment on my own, without roommates and began my career in healthcare. I worked swing shift- 1:30pm-10pm, five days per week. My routine switched to that of a night owl, often going to bed at 2 or 3am, waking up at 9am. I started reading for fun again, and for a special treat once or twice per week, I would go to my favorite tea house in downtown Eugene and sip jasmine tea while reading a book. I would go to the river during the summer on weekends and sit in the cool water. Then, everything went to shit for a couple of years.

At 20 years old, I accepted a supervisor position at the nursing home I worked at. I was eager to begin, excited for a leadership position and a significant pay raise. Things were okay at first- stressful, but okay. Part of my job was fielding call-ins for the night shift. To my detriment, the noc shift had a huge attendance problem, with 2-3 call ins out of the 6-7 employees every night. It was my job to fill those spots, and if I couldn’t convince my overworked, tired employees to stay overnight, for 10 more hours (after working from 1:30-10), I had to stay overnight. I was doing this 2-3 days per week, in addition to working my regular shift. The only good thing about this was that I was making so much money, with one month having over 60 hours of overtime. But, I was stressed out, emotional, and tired. I eventually got fed up and stepped down from my role, quitting altogether a few months later. I was completely burnt out, and vowed to never work in healthcare again. 

The next job I took was at Lane Forest Products in a recycling yard. Somehow, this job was even worse than working in healthcare. All of my supervisors were toxic masculinity shitheads, and I also worked alongside a grown man who was later convicted of raping a 14 year old girl. Disgusting. I had no self-care routine in place at this time, and subsequently burned out. This is another job I will never do again. 

After quitting this job, I knew I needed to change my life. I decided to go back to school and finish my bachelor’s degree. I started cleaning my apartment again, cooking for myself, and improving my personal hygiene. I went back to an old job of mine as a landscaper for the University of Oregon with a boss that was kind, intelligent, and patient. I will always be grateful to Eric for hiring me back. I loved working as a landscaper. It was a form of self-care for me despite technically being “work.” I got to be outside all day, amongst the plants and bugs, move my body, and listen to music and podcasts while I was working. 

I started grad school at Oregon State University immediately after finishing my bachelor’s degree. I worked for Eric for that summer before making the move with Timon and Piper up to Corvallis to a very tiny apartment. But I felt as if I was starting a new life, and I was very excited about it. But my self-care routine wasn’t the best. The one good thing about that apartment was that it had a bathtub and an endless amount of scalding hot water. I would take two hot bubble baths per week, along with my nightly showers. I would read for fun, often taking my book to class and reading in my downtime. The best part of living in Corvallis was going out with my graduate cohort. There was a bar that we frequented called “Squirrel’s” (I actually don’t know whether it was possessive or plural). We would meet up, drink, eat, and chat into the night. I really miss all (except one) of those people. 

After graduating with my master’s degree, I adopted Pixie and moved back to Eugene to a much larger, two bedroom apartment. This is when my self-care routine bounced back in the most positive way. I set up my apartment exactly as I want it, creating a sanctuary. Pixie and I walk 2-3 miles per day. Every Saturday, we go to her favorite park in Eugene- Alton Baker Park for a nice long walk. We then go to Starbucks and get Pixie a pup cup, and for me, a peppermint mocha. I do regular spa nights, where I trim my nails, do a face mask, drink tea, and take an “everything” shower, where I exfoliate, double body wash, double shampoo and condition my hair. Afterwards, I use my favorite skincare products and now have the clearest skin I’ve ever had. I use good quality lotion and body oil. Every single night, my pets and I do “Family Cuddle Time” where we all gather on my bed, cuddle, and watch documentaries before going to sleep. 

My most recent self-care venture is creating a reading nook in an unused corner of my living room. I ordered a massive, 6 foot wide purple bean bag chair. I plan on getting a bunch of big, fluffy blankets and pillows. I will then get one side table to put my drinks, snacks, and books on, and another one to put my record player on. I ordered some gory, disgusting horror books for the christening of my reading nook, and I am very excited to read them. 

So, the moral of the story is that self-care is a lifelong journey. There will be ebbs and flows, and what works now, may not necessarily work forever. Self-care involves showing up for yourself in whatever capacity you are capable of at the time. Taking care of yourself should be your top priority, as you cannot help others unless you first help yourself. It has taken me 26 years for me to figure it out, and am still learning how to show up for myself every day.