Pronouns

A big hot-button topic these days is the topic of pronouns. What to use, when to use them, how to use them, all of these questions will be explored in this post. 

So, how do you know what pronouns to use for someone? The answer is more simple than you may think… LITERALLY JUST ASK (tactfully and respectfully). Whatever answer you get is what you use. That’s it. And if you ask and don’t like the answer you hear, it doesn’t matter. You use whatever pronouns the person in question says to use. And if you don’t, YOU’RE in the wrong. Not them. Intentionally misgendering someone (intentionally using the wrong pronouns for someone), is not only incredibly rude, but is also a form of microaggression. If you decide to intentionally misgender a coworker, expect to hear from HR because that is harassment. So don’t be a dick. Use people’s chosen pronouns. 

How exactly do you ask about someone’s pronouns? This is a quote from one of my students asking for my pronouns last term: “Hey Ryan! I’m really excited to be taking your class! I just wanted to check in, what pronouns should I use for you?” It’s as simple as that. 

There are so many different answers you can get to that question. There’s the traditional he/him, or she/her, but also they/them, xe/xir, it/its, and so many more! 

I want to address they/them pronouns. These pronouns are often used by non-binary people (people who don’t identify as male or female), or agender people (people who live outside of the gender binary altogether), but can be used by anyone. Yes, even you, cisgender people, can use they/them pronouns if you feel like it! A common thing many transphobic people (yes, it is transphobic to not use someone’s chosen pronouns) will say in opposition to using singular they/them pronouns for people is that “it’s not grammatically correct!” This is simply false- and for a couple of reasons. Think about what you say if you find a wallet or phone on the ground: “Oh look, someone dropped their wallet!” Even Shakespeare used singular they pronouns in Much Ado About Nothing, in Act III, scene 4, “God send everyone their heart’s desire!” Also in Comedy of Errors, Act IV, scene 3, “There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me/As if I were their well-acquainted friend.” So there’s absolutely no reason to not address people with they/them pronouns if that’s what they wish. 

Another set of pronouns I want to address are it/its pronouns. This is something that I recently learned about. Someone in one of my classes in grad school used these pronouns, and it confused me at first. I thought for a long time that we usually use it/its to describe objects, or even animals, but this person proved me wrong! When it said its pronouns were it/its, I was a bit taken aback, but then worked it out in my own brain that it is more rude to not use this person’s chosen pronouns than it is to call it “it” when necessary. And yes, I am saying “it” a lot in this paragraph, and it may get a bit confusing. However, if you are actively listening to a conversation when someone uses it/its pronouns, by grace of context clues and a little brain power, it is quite easy to follow! The same goes with they/them pronouns.

In conclusion, the whole “pronoun issue” is so much simpler than transphobic people, namely many of the crusty republican cisgender men in our government (and a certain orange man who happens to be our president) say it is. Remember, it does not physically harm you to use the correct pronouns for someone. And if you ever get misgendered intentionally, even after informing this person of your pronouns, return the favor and intentionally misgender that fucker right back!