Don’t Tolerate Your LGBTQ+ Children. Love Them.

This is gonna be a short one today, but still worth reading. I saw a Tik Tok recently whose title made me immediately nervous: “You Should Not Tolerate Your Queer Children.” I was expecting some big rant about how disgusting us queer people apparently are, but it went in the exact opposite direction. The mom in the video said, “if you “tolerate” your LGBTQ+ children, you are a bad parent.” 

Tolerance, she explains, is not the same as accepting and loving your children. She gives the example of “tolerance” through food. Think of a food you simply “tolerate.” You do not love that food. You don’t want to eat that food. You would not willingly cook that food for yourself or your family. But, if someone else cooks it for you, you will eat it without making a big stink.

This is the same idea as a parent saying they “tolerate” their queer children. “Tolerating” queer children implies that you do not love them for who they are. You want them to change. You want a version of your child that is fundamentally not them. Many homophobic and transphobic parents and family members out themselves to their children inadvertently buy saying, “I tolerate you.” What your children are hearing is, “You are about as palatable to me as my least favorite food. I do not like you. I do not love you. I tolerate you.” And every child deserves to be loved, especially by their parents. You’re child’s existence was not disgusting to you until you learned they were queer. So, let me reiterate. If you simply “tolerate” your LGBTQ+ children, you do not love them for who they truly are, and that makes you a fundamentally a bad parent. I said what I said.